Avoidance of his own feelings was fine when it affected him alone, but when was that ever really the case? His children certainly felt it, as did Force Death. While he could quite cheerfully make his husbands life harder, and even his children's to some extent, could he allow Force Pestilence the same disregard?
It seemed not. Pesti was not someone he could willingly let down, despite how difficult an honest conversation would be.
"This stays between you and I," he clarified before continuing. It was as much for Pesti as for himself. Such vulnerability was a crime and no additional witnesses was a paramount requirement for disclosure.
"I did indeed meet a person who deeply reminded me of Lucius. So much so it was almost as though I was able to be with him again."
He exhaled another breath, already feeling worn out from the drain such honesty honesty had on him.
"The whole affair felt utterly despicable. I say affair, because being with him was an emotional betrayal despite my devotion to my status as an antisocial being, let alone as a married man. Even the most innocent of conversations felt unsavory, and yet... I couldn't distance myself from it. There was no real wrong doing, you see..."
He gave a wan smile.
"I was utterly powerless. That was the feeling. Certain that every moment spent with that person was wrong and yet completely unable to detach. How I feel about it now is a shameful sense of relief that this person has been removed from my path without me having to lift a finger in opposition."
no subject
Avoidance of his own feelings was fine when it affected him alone, but when was that ever really the case? His children certainly felt it, as did Force Death. While he could quite cheerfully make his husbands life harder, and even his children's to some extent, could he allow Force Pestilence the same disregard?
It seemed not. Pesti was not someone he could willingly let down, despite how difficult an honest conversation would be.
"This stays between you and I," he clarified before continuing. It was as much for Pesti as for himself. Such vulnerability was a crime and no additional witnesses was a paramount requirement for disclosure.
"I did indeed meet a person who deeply reminded me of Lucius. So much so it was almost as though I was able to be with him again."
He exhaled another breath, already feeling worn out from the drain such honesty honesty had on him.
"The whole affair felt utterly despicable. I say affair, because being with him was an emotional betrayal despite my devotion to my status as an antisocial being, let alone as a married man. Even the most innocent of conversations felt unsavory, and yet... I couldn't distance myself from it. There was no real wrong doing, you see..."
He gave a wan smile.
"I was utterly powerless. That was the feeling. Certain that every moment spent with that person was wrong and yet completely unable to detach. How I feel about it now is a shameful sense of relief that this person has been removed from my path without me having to lift a finger in opposition."